Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
