Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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