oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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