U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
