He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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