just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
