how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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