Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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