His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
