# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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