He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
