is your mom at the bar?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
