my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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