Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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