Porn is love you can see.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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