I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
