I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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