there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
