so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize