My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
