I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Panties = found
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize