I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
