i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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