its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
