Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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