I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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