Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I need to align my fucking chakras
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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