Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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