I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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