Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
try to milk me bitch
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
