hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
