is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
