as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
