so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize