Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
