i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize