I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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