He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
