you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
