Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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