you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
