it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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