Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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