who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
