don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
