There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
