did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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