so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have aggressive nipples.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
