we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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