The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
