JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
