Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
