You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize