no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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