I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
