im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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