Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
