you win again, gameday.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize