And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize