Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
