When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
