Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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