She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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