hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
