Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
