So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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