dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
