super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize