I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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