yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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