You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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