I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
