My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
