Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
