in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
