But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
